Tag Archives: growth mindset

Overcoming Trauma

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We live in a world today where so many have faced traumatic events.  It could be the death of a loved one, some form of abuse, significant illness, ongoing demands of poverty, or continual events where one’s safety and well-being are put under threat.  Even more tragic is the number of children who are suffering the effects of ongoing stress disorder created by trauma.  The effects of stress and trauma on the brain in the classroom can make instruction in the classroom challenging, not just for the traumatized child, but for all other in the classroom as well. Informed, intentional strategies must be in place for schools to overcome the negative effects of the stress created by trauma.

Schools must have informed, intentional strategies to overcome the negative effects of the stress created by trauma.
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I have experienced trauma.  My trauma was mostly at the hands of peers that bullied me relentlessly all through school. I spent a great deal of my life feeling ashamed, trying to hide my trauma behind attempts at perfection, carefully controlling my circumstances for protection, and often running if I felt anyone was getting to close to discovering the “broken me” created by my trauma.  It took many failed attempts of dysfunctional coping Screen Shot 2016-02-18 at 6.27.10 AMmechanisms for me to finally realize that I could embrace these traumatic circumstances, not as the definition of who I am, but as the events that helped me evolve into the person I was meant to be.  I had to realize that I could not save myself, only God’s grace could do that.  But I also had to learn to forgive myself for all the mistakes I had made and recognize that there were some things that were just not my fault. These lessons did not come easily. I repeated the same mistakes many times before finally learning the skills I needed to overcome these circumstances.  Luckily, it seems God is always patient in giving us plenty of practice and putting the people in our lives we need to learn to overcome.  God seems to be the true origin of the concepts of “grit” and “growth mindset”.

The good news is that today, I can look at my past and embrace it, not because of pride in who I was, but a celebration that God’s forgiveness is great.  His blessings are abundant. I recognize that there are circumstances in my life that could have only happened as a result of God’s intervention, including meeting my husband when were born hundred of milesTrauma-Infographic-1-978x400 apart,  a recent move during the most difficult time for home sales that worked in our favor for both the purchase of a new home and the sale of the old, and my being hired in a larger district as a first-year principal.  God is so good.

I can see standing on this side how that the events of my past can be used to help others. It seems that when you have experienced trauma, it gives you a sixth sense to recognize trauma in others.  It erases all judgment of those who are broken by trauma and fills you with compassion and a desire to hold their hand as they, too, move toward healing. I think this type of compassion is needed for any educator these days.

This type of compassion is needed for any educator these days.  Even if teachers haven’t experienced trauma themselves, they have to be prepared to recognize it within others. Educators today have to realize that those who have been often traumatized behave badly, and it isn’t meant to be a personal attack on others.

What can educators do:

  • Practice not taking negative behavior personally.  This is so hard when we invest so much emotionally in students.  However, it is critical to realize that bad behavior is about the other person, not ourselves.  Sometimes a traumatized person just cannot carry any more load, and they fling the ugliness at others.  It is a cry for help, not a statement of their value of the person they direct their negativity.
  • Be supportive.  Misbehavior is tied to a missing skill.  Identify the missing skill: self-confidence, coping strategies, language- and find opportunities to teach a replacement behavior.
  • Provide positive reinforcement.  Traumatized people need lots of positive reinforcement for the things they do correctly.  They need to be immersed in a world of good.  Find the things that are right in their world and celebrate them.  They need to hear the good things 10-15 more times than they hear the corrections.
  • Learn about trauma. There are starting to be some great resources out there to help educators become informed.  Read about it.  Find out what works.  If nothing else, you will see you are not alone.
  • Love unconditionally.  Unconditional love can be a challenge, but this is what a person who has ongoing trauma needs more than anything.  Unconditional love doesn’t mean a lack of expectation.  This isn’t about excuses.  It’s about loving someone despite their lack of achieving our expectations, resetting, and starting again.

 

Sometimes teachers have to have enough grit, grace, and growth mindset for traumatized students in addition to themselves.
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Those with ongoing stress from unbearable circumstances only begin to heal when they feel the safety of unconditional love and support. When that happens, the brain can learn.

 

It Takes One to Grow One

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Being the principal of a Title I school with fifty-two percent of our students coming from impoverished backgrounds has been a challenge, to say the least.  Three years ago, we began our journey making sure all teachers clearly understood the learning standards.  We expanded the second year to include some quality training in small group instruction, higher level thinking strategies, and writing.  This third year we have really worked on when teachers growunderstanding our students, especially those who come from backgrounds that may be very different from our own. It has become clear that relationships are key, and to develop relationships and give feedback in ways that are meaningful, you must truly understand the one that you are giving the feedback.

As we have entered the second semester of our third year, I have been amazed at the progress I have seen in such a short time.  Teachers and staff are teaching our students skills at deep levels.  Not only are they able to apply it in the context of the classroom, but the students are also starting to be able to transfer their learning into abstract testing situations. It was looking at our last round of data that got me pondering.

Yes, all the things we have intentionally worked on as a school are important.  But I have to admit that there was something present that allowed these initiatives to be successful.  At their core, the staff members in my building exemplify the characteristics of strong learners.

  1. Curiosity and Desire to Learn- Teachers who are learners continually assess their current situation and the factors that impact it.  They ask questions like “why?” and “what if?” to help them make sense of their world.  They are not satisfied with someone else’s definitions for understanding, but must experience them for themselves. Their classrooms are an experiment of trial and error to find what works.
  2. Grit in the Face of a Challenge- Teachers  who are learners recognize that failure is a part of learning.  Even when you have a path of steady growth, there is eventually a Grow-Brainplateau or even a dip in progress.  Teachers who are masters of learners accept this as a part of the growth process.  When faced with a challenge to their progress, these teachers persist, taking risks to find new ways to overcome the challenge rather than accept defeat.
  3. Growth Mindset to Continue to Improve- Often, once we as educators learn a strategy that works, we cling to it, even when it is no longer effective.  Teachers who are learners recognize that the goal is to perfect the craft of creating learners, not a strategy.  Teacher Learners are continually reflecting on their practice and learning so that they keep up with the needs of their students.  They know that the need to learn is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength in that they recognize the power of continually evolving.

I think no matter the circumstances: whether students come from affluent, middle-class, or poverty backgrounds, to grow children into learners, you have to possess those characteristics. When you have these traits of a learner yourself, and you understand your students you can instill these same qualities in them. How can you help another person achieve this level of learning if you haven’t experienced it yourself?  It really does “take one to grow one”!

The Power of a Whisper

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This past week, after continuing to speak following a sore throat, I managed to lose my voice.  It started off that I just sounded funny, but by the end of the day, all I could do was whisper.  As I tried to continue my normal day I began to notice how incredibly difficult it was to communicate.  Physically, I felt the strain in my muscles as I tried to produce audible sounds.  Sometimes I would try to write things down, but I could never write fast enough to carry on a conversation with someone who was speaking with me. There was so much I couldn’t explain.  Sometimes, I had to rely on others who knew me best to expand on my ideas. It was definitely frustrating to feel that as a leader, I had lost my ability to communicate effectively with my staff, my students, and my community.

whisper words of wisdom

Although exasperated, as I spent my afternoon noticing how others responded to my whisper.  It was funny how as they worked to hear my soft words, their faces would show such intensity as they listened.   I would find they often whispered back to me. It seemed funny to have such quiet conversations when I was the only one who couldn’t talk. Not only were the conversations quieter, but they were also slower.  As I had to work to get even breathy words to come out, their pace would slow as well, as if to give me time to regain some strength. I had never considered these things before, but it made me think about how leadership can be done be done in a manner that is screaming, but truly effective leaders often lead with a whisper.

It takes grit, grace, and a growth mindset to have the patience to lead with a whisper.
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Whispering leadership, like the act of vocal whispering, requires a whole different set of muscles. It requires incorporation of other nuances if it is to be accurately understood.

  • Rather than shouting demands of compliance, a leader whispers a suggestion of best practice to let others own the practice.  This kind of leader puts in a framework of expectations without mandating each step.  It requires helping others discover how “best practices” fit within their current skillset and have ownership as they assimilate the ideas into their beliefs and philosophy rather than just “following the 8346-illustration-of-lips-whispering-into-an-ear-pvleaders rules”.
  • Whispering leaders talk less. When one must whisper, the physical act is exhausting, so you use less words when you do have a message to share.Instead of using words to tell others what to do, effective leaders whisper desired behavior through their actions. The old adage “actions speak louder than words” is so important.  People are much likely to “do as you do” rather than “do as you say”.  When you model the expectation, others can see how it works.  Visual models are powerful learning tools.  Not to mention, if you are only telling someone what to do, it creates a perfect opportunity for sabotage as their implementation is the only barometer of success.
  • Whispering leaders listen more and watch for the reactions of the ones they are communicating. They have to be perceptive to those you are trying to communicate with to see if they understood your intended message. Since the focus is on others to own ideas as their own, it is critical to watch the implementation. If the message is not clear, provide additional clarity. Give feedback on implementation and help the practice grow.  The minute someone feels success in a new way of doing things, that alone is self-motivating to continue the practice.
If you have to “yell” your leadership, something is wrong.
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I’ve worked for leaders in the past who had to literally and figuratively “shout” their authority. Let’s face it, if you have to “yell your leadership” to make your point, something is wrong. Whether it is with your ideas or your relationships with those you lead, this type of leadership merely creates compliant workers rather than engaged followers. People best versionwho are simply obedient to leadership are likely to demonstrate compliance only when monitored, walk away when given the opportunity, or in worse case scenarios, outwardly rebel if they go long enough without having their needs for autonomy met.

Whispering leadership makes the growth of the organization about those you are trying to lead, rather than the leader. It takes grit, grace, and growth mindset to have the patience to lead with a whisper than rush to accomplish things more quickly with a shout. However, because it also takes more intense listening to hear a whisper, the ideas are less likely to be forgotten. Whispering leadership is how you grow an organization and create a legacy that will stand the test of time.

Finding the Sweet Spot

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“To transform schools successfully, we need to navigate the difficult space between letting go of old strategies and grabbing on to new ones.” Robert John Meehan

This quote struck me this week.  It is true to have a real transformation in schools, we must master this balance of old and new strategies.  This dual mastery is especially critical if we are to escape the constraints of a dysfunctional standardized testing cycle. We must find that optimum point of where critical elements of instruction intersect to have the most effect on student learning -“the sweet spot.”

We must find where critical elements of instruction intersect to have the most effect on student learning -“the sweet spot.”
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As I began teaching twenty-five years ago, we ushered in the beginning of the demanding, rigorous, standardized testing era.  The tests at that time were increasingly more complex than anything we had seen before.  They were tied to accountability and a school’s performance on these tests was publicized for the world to see.

No worries.  Teachers were smart.  If the world said these tests were important, we could figure out ways to ensure students were successful.  I remember as a young, fifth-grade math teacher using a strategy that could assist even a struggling reader to determine the correct operation to use to solve the word problem. In reading, we could pinpoint the critical information the students needed to answer the questions, even if they didn’t have the stamina to read the entire lengthy passage.  I don’t think it was that we were trying to shortcut student learning.  We could essentially teach our students to follow a set routine of steps in a strategy, and they could be successful.  We were designing learning according to what society valued.  What was being communicated was that “tests” and “following instructions” were what was important.

authentic-skills

Over time, when have seen the shortfalls of this focus. Society has adjusted their perspective and decided tests based on this limited thinking were not important. We have realized that many students were crippled with no ability to solve a problem when they are not given a specific strategy or procedure.  We unwittingly created dependent students who struggled to approach problems with creativity.  As a result, tests have systematically been recreated to make those strategies from twenty-five years ago almost impossible to use. Words formally used as triggers are now embedded as distractors to see if students understand what they are doing. Tests are now designed to force higher level thinking.  They don’t rely on one set strategy that the teacher can say, “just follow these steps.”  It just won’t work. Regurgitation of facts or actions is essentially useless. To pass the “new generation” of high stakes assessments, our students must be proficient readers, mathematicians, communicators, and creative problem solvers.

Is this a bad thing?  I don’t think so.  Is it needed for our students to prepare for the future they face? Absolutely!  Is it easy? No way.  Essentially, it requires teachers and students to
“unlearn” everything they relied on in the past. Everything that worked and deemed them a success previously is now ineffective to achieve the new bar.

For those teachers in elementary schools today, it’s like being told you have to quit a bad habit, but you will continue to be judged on performance.  I liken it to giving up caffeine. Imagine you have been a heavy coffee or coke drinker.  Now you are giving up all caffeine cold turkey.  You know you need to do this for your health, but you still have to perform at high levels despite the fact that your body might be going through some withdrawal and experiencing caffeine headaches.  Finding that balance of teaching students at authentic levels with high problem-solving and performing triage for gaps between the newer test versions and previous ones take talent, practice, and hard work.

Effectively teaching students at high levels with meaningful, real-life problem-solving while performing triage for gaps between the newer test versions and previous ones doesn’t happen overnight.  Measures that previously determined students, teachers, and schools were high performers have been revised and now deem them lacking.  It is not the people who have changed.  It is the tests.  It is the expectations.  Even businesses learning-testingacknowledge that systematic change takes three to five years. There is often an implementation dip after starting new methods.  I would think that when you add young children to the mix, it can take a little longer. With that, we must be careful not to misinterpret or abuse test results. We are comparing apples to oranges.  These new tests are definitely not like any test you took in school.  It’s not in anyone’s best interest to make assumptions or broad generalizations, especially not the student.

This year is my third year as a principal.  I have been amazed at how fast positive change in instruction is taking hold on my campus.  I am blessed with a team of educators who know why they do what they do.  They understand what we need to do to prepare our students.  They have the grit to persist even when traveling this difficult road.  We are starting to see glimmers of this new way of thinking in our students while putting in extensive work to overcome gaps created by previous approaches.  They live in that sweet spot.

Yesterday, I read a quote from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

 “The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character – that is the goal of true education.”

These words were written in a paper Dr. King wrote in 1947. Maybe this change in values of education represents the next swing of the teaching pendulum.  Or maybe it has just taken us 70 years to find the sweet spot.

Time to Teach

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My campus had some great conversations this past week with one of my leaderships teams and our grade level PLCs.  We talked about the tremendous impact student goal conferences are having this year on student achievement. During each of our PLCs, we spend part of our time specifically discussing any student who is not demonstrating growth. We don’t just discuss our most struggling students. During this time, we brainstorm interventions and strategies for any student whose growth has become stagnant.  As a result, we are seeing student scores increase an average of thirty to forty percentage points from last year on the same assessment. Honestly, I don’t believe I’ve seen growth as we are currently seeing in my entire career. Even with all the celebration, there was concern that student conferencing and goal setting takes a great deal of time away from instruction. This got me thinking. Is it really time away from teaching?

During this time, we brainstorm interventions and strategies for any student whose growth has become stagnant.  As a result, we are seeing student scores increase an average of thirty to forty percentage points from last year on the same assessment. Honestly, I don’t believe I’ve seen growth as we are currently seeing in my entire career. However, even with all the celebration, there was concern that student conferencing and goal setting takes a great deal of time away from instruction. This got me thinking. Is it really time away from teaching?

conferencing

Think about it! It’s not just people who perform poorly at tasks that get individual “tutoring”. Talented dancers take additional “privates”. World-class athletes have “form” coaches. Musicians take private lessons. Heck, I even have a “Principal Coach” that I speak with on a regular basis. Individualized feedback to help one improve is the very best and most meaningful type of teaching and learning. Because it is individualized, growth can occur more quickly.

When you spend time with a student, looking at results and helping them set goals for the future, you are teaching them to be reflective. That one-on-one conversation you are having with the students to discuss where they are, where they need to be, and how they goal settingcan get there is causing students to think about their learning and figure out how to improve. When you discuss with a student who hasn’t grown and tell them that “it is okay, sometimes we don’t grow, but what are we going to do now?” it helps them develop resiliency.  You ARE teaching! You are teaching them how to become a better learner. You are teaching them how to solve the most meaningful problem–how to overcome and address their own needs. You are teaching them the life skills necessary to exist in a future world that we don’t know how it will look when they grow up!

There is an epidemic of college-aged students who are floundering.  These students were “standardized” in school as we taught them how to “do as I do” and “perfection is the key”. I can’t help but believe this is due to a generation being raised with standardized testing and teaching students strategies to follow our lead rather than how to think it's a dream until you write it downindependently. These students have been brought up believing “less than perfect” is a failure and failure is abhorred.  It’s the fixed mindset of “If I can’t do it perfectly the first time, I must not be able to do it at all” and anything not mastered the first time is quickly abandoned by students with no grit.

Last year we tried to implement student goal setting folders. It was a disaster.  We made them too complicated.  They were too detailed to manage effectively, and the practice was quickly abandoned.  I didn’t resist, because I couldn’t see that the time spent was resulting in any student gains. This year, we simplified.  We kept our plan focused, and the payoff is huge. The most important thing is that we didn’t give up.

I am proud of the work we do on my campus to teach our students the skills they need to be resilient through challenges! They have grit.  They have growth mindsets. There is no argument to the fact that this type of teaching does take time, but if you think about how you use that time with each child to specifically meet their needs, you probably spent time more wisely in conferencing and goal setting than any content lesson you would teach that week. I do not think there is anything more powerful than one-on-one conversations with students specifically geared toward their needs. It IS teaching! It is teaching people not just content, and as educators, we should always have enough time for that!

To impact student achievement, time is best spent in one-on-one conversations geared to address students’ specific needs.
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Declining Resiliency In College Students

Tools for the Trade: The Power of a Principal’s Professional Learning

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minds_under_constructionTwo years ago, I was fortunate enough to receive the “Principal as Leader of Professional Learning” grant from The Learning Forward Foundation. It has been an amazing journey to explore an intentional professional learning plan, not only for myself but also for everyone on my campus.

Part of the reason this opportunity was such an honor is because it was Learning Forward (formerly the National Staff Development Council) that taught me that quality professional learning is more than “a fun workshop” with “good presenters” and “cute ideas”. Learning Forward is the organization that instilled in me that quality professional learning should result in new tools that I could add to my toolbox of teaching and learning that results in increased student achievement.

tools

My learning these past two years has been an action research in the concepts of grit, growth mindset, and the impact on student achievement when these concepts are intentionally taught to students, specifically students who come from economically disadvantaged backgrounds.  All of this learning expanded my resources to meet the diverse needs of my students.

All good learning requires reflection about the content, but also about the process.
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Here are some of my key “aha”s from this experience:choose the right tool

  • Don’t bring a hammer when you need a wrench. There are lots of opinions about grit and growth mindset. As with any strategy, there is no magic bullet. It is about having the right tool in your toolbox and using it in the right situation to impact learning. With grit and growth mindset, you have to make sure the student sees the relevance to their life. It is not about just creating struggle but helping a student see they have the mental capacity to overcome the struggle when faced with challenges.
  • Renovate one room at a time. If you want an educational initiative to work, you have to be intentional and focused. It will be tempting to try to fix everything all at one time, especially if you have lots of needs and see some initial success. When you do home renovation and expect to live there while you do it, you typically move room to room until it’s all done. Finishrenovation the job you are working on before you move on to the next one so that you don’t have everything torn apart. You can’t live in a house with everything ripped up (at least not effectively or affordably). In schools, we don’t have the benefit of living somewhere else while we transform educational practice.  If you focus on improving the most important things that will get the most results, you see the most growth and become motivated to work on the next most important thing when the first thing becomes a habit. Working on one thing at a time is brain-friendly and prevents feelings of being overwhelmed, burned out and emotionally bankrupt.
  • Train your apprentices. Think about an apprentice. They watch the knowledgeable tradesman. Then they work side by side before gradually taking over the jobs themselves while the mentor gives feedback. It’s a gradual release model. When you want something to become practice for teachers, you have to model it as the leader. How in the world will they be able to carry out your vision if you only talk about it? They need to see it from you and practice with you there, so they feel confident to do it themselves.

apprenticeship

  • Clearly communicate your vision for the desired outcome. You shouldn’t be shocked at a failed implementation or a result that doesn’t match the “end” you had in mind.   Everyone needs to know “what” change is needed, “why” it is needed, and “how” you plan to get there.   When these three things are clear, the goal becomes much more achievable. I think this is true whether you are working with students or adults.  It is human nature to be successful.  Having an idea of the purpose and plan helps people get started in the right direction.
  • Involve your clients in the design. We no longer can afford to live in a world where we tell people step by step, exactly what to do.  Everyone on the team brings expertise and creativity.  I am a huge fan of George Couros and his philosophy of “the smartest person in the room is the room.”  
    Take advantage of the people of around you, gain their buy-in, and make the plan better. Standardized thinking and “do as I say” learning is a blueprint for disaster.
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  • Expertise doesn’t mean flawless. The minute you think you have to perform perfectly you have slipped into a fixed mindset. A fixed mindset is the enemy of learning and learning is the purpose of education. Forget perfection. Learn from mistakes. Allow others to see how you learn and grow from them. When things go wrong, don’t try to cover it up, make excuses, or quit. That can be costly.
    The best and most relevant learning occurs when figuring out how to overcome failure.
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  • Study the situation before you jump in and “fix”. Knowing and understanding your learners and their context allows you to give them learning in ways that are meaningful to them. Results in learning take place more quickly and make it more likely to stick.
  • Take your time and do the job right. Providing that learning in meaningful ways takes time. Lots and lots of time. (But it often gets results faster than things we have always done.)I have seen this on my campus with student conferencing and goal setting. It’s tedious. I’ve heard some say it takes time away from “real teaching”. However, providing feedback and guidance on a student’s individual work is the most powerful teaching in existence. Think about why athletes have private coaches or musicians take private lessons. While it has taken an investment, it is probably the most successful strategy we have used to increase student results.

The expectation today is for administrators to be instructional leaders. When I look at the Texas Principal Evaluation and Support System (TPESS), instructional leadership tools are critical for success. However, to be an effective instructional leader, you must first be the lead learner.  

Being a good learner isn’t something you just do. It is something you do intentionally. It takes practice.
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We can’t just assume that we are the sole giver of knowledge to our teachers and students. Nor can we hand over the dissemination of critical knowledge to others outside our organization and trust that they understand all that needs to be done. As building leaders, we must facilitate the learning process and continuous improvement of the adults, so that teachers to do the same for our students, so they also have the tools they need to  design their own successful, productive lives.

The Sound of Silence

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While sometimes silence of welcomed, I have to say that in a learning organization, silence can be deadly. Silence in a learning organization means a lack of feedback. It means that people are likely too content, apathetic, scared or angry to communicate with specific feedback, and this is dangerous. It reminds me of the Simon and Garfunkel song:

Sound of silence

In a learning organization, feedback is critical to growth. Sometimes this feedback is positive: “You’re on the right track.” “The effort is paying off.” “The strategy you are using is getting results.” Sometimes feedback offers a correction: “Instead of this, I need you to…” “It might work better if…” “Next time I’d rather you …” Other times feedback sounds like this: “I hate it when you…” “You messed up.” “There’s going to be consequences.” However, even when feedback is negative, it gives the one receiving the feedback a chance to learn and grow if they choose.

When there is no feedback, growth halts.
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People can only guess if their actions are working and more time and energy is spent trying to decipher the silence than working on creating results. “Is what I’m going working?” “Is what I’m doing wrong?” “Why won’t he/she speak to me?” It’s a guess and check method spent mostly on guessing.

Several years ago I worked in an organization where all feedback stopped. The “boss” literally quit speaking to me. In public, I was invisible. Even in a bathroom where there were only two of us, I did not exist. Awkward! I guess I eventually figured out the message. I was not needed, and it was better to go elsewhere. The crazy thing is, if the “boss” had just given me specific feedback, we both probably would have gotten what we wanted much more quickly without a lot of hassle.

It is imperative supervisors give feedback. Too often I see leaders who are afraid to have difficult conversations. They suffer in silence until their aggravation results in an attitude of “done”. At that point, growth and recovery are no longer an option. What if the leader would have just said what needed to be said in a professional way? What if the leader coached their employee? What potential greatness was lost because the leader remained silent? What relationship was lost because things were allowed to become contentious?

Don’t get me wrong. The responsibility of feedback does not lie solely on the shoulders of feedbackleaders. All members of an organization have a responsibility of providing feedback. I tell my staff all the time that I don’t want them just to say yes and agree to everything I say. I need their thoughts, their consideration of unintended consequences and problem-solving, their ability to piggyback and make the idea even better. I need to know if something I have done has made their job harder. Their feedback cannot always result in “their way” because as a leader I always have to consider the big picture for the organization. However, without their feedback, how do I grow? How do I become better for them?

With all of this said, the most growth is going to occur when feedback is professional. While angry feedback is still probably better than silence, it is still destructive. It takes a great deal of energy for those involved in angry feedback to get beyond the emotion and focus on growth again. It is possible, but again, often angry feedback is just the explosion that occurs after a prolonged silence where the feedback was bottled up too long.

If you are a part of a learning organization, here are some tips to defeat the deadly sound of silence:

  • Give feedback, in good times and bad. People you work with need to know. It’s way more efficient than guessing. Each individual’s background experiences may muddy the water of interpreting “silence”
  • Feedback should be a two-way street. Both the leader and members of the organization should give feedback so that everyone has a chance to grow.
  • While feedback is better than silence, sometimes you may need a moment to compose yourself. Don’t give feedback in the heat of the moment, but don’t wait too long either. Feedback should be timely and professional.feedback matters
  • Be specific. Say what you mean and mean what you say. The more specific you are with your feedback, the more likely you are to get what you need.
  • Don’t ever allow yourself to become so comfortable that feedback stops. At that point, so does growth. Today’s good is tomorrow’s mediocre.
  • If you are the leader, create venues for your organization to provide you with feedback. Surveys, exit tickets after professional learning or staff meetings, and Google docs are all great ways to collect feedback. While I’m not a huge fan of anonymous feedback (it can be as bad as silence in the fact it doesn’t provide an avenue for clarification), I recognize that sometimes you have to start their of those you lead don’t feel safe giving feedback. It is a starting place, but the leader should work diligently to build relationships and get people comfortable with feedback that is specific and individualized.
It takes the grit to put others’ need to grow before one’s personal comfort of staying silent.
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Yes, sometimes it is easier to be silent. Silence can punish those with whom we are upset. It can send the message “I don’t even care enough about you to acknowledge your existence”. However, it rarely results in growth for anyone. Feedback with a growth the-sound-of-silence-simon-garfunkel-8-638mindset takes both grit and grace. It takes the grit to put others’ need to grow before one’s personal comfort of staying silent. Even more, it takes grace to give feedback in a manner that others are willing to listen and hear the intended message so that growth can occur.

Additional Resources for Giving Feedback:

If You Take All the Mouse’s Cookies

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This is an article I wrote published this month in National Association of Elementary School Principals’ magazine “The Principal”.

https://www.naesp.org/principal-novemberdecember-2015-breaking-cycle/inspire-growth

Twas’ the Week Before Thanksgiving

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It’s hard to believe that it is the week before Thanksgiving Break.  Everyone around me has been working at full capacity for twelve weeks (not to mention the weeks before students actually arrived!).  At my campus, we have already completed three rounds of Professional Learning Community Meetings, one report card, one student recognition ceremony, discussed endless learning standards, created individualized interventions, and analyzed three rounds of common assessments. There has barely been time to look up, much less realize that it is November.

This past week, we completed a flipped staff meeting where I shared a video about stress:

How stress affects your body – Sharon Horesh Bergquist

I think that in today’s day and age the role of a teacher, especially at a Title I school, there is increased demand. I think that is why it is so important to become mentally strong in managing challenges. The truth is our students are always going to have high needs, and there will never seem like there is enough time. So what can you do?

  • Remember, that it is always about growth, not perfection. We are human, and we can only do so much. We can’t compare ourselves to others because none of us has exactly the same situation. All we can do is try to learn and improve each day. I love the idea of seeing situations as challenges I will overcome eventually, not insurmountable problems. They are just events that I haven’t conquered….YET!  Maintaining power is key in managing stress.
  • When you feel like you are not doing enough “teaching” due to other demands, remember that the time you spend building relationships with your students is the most powerful teaching you can do. Students learn more from teachers they like and respect. When you have that relationship, you are teaching them valuable lessons about life and creating the path for future academic learning. If when we are teaching, we have strong relationships, and we are using our tools to intentionally teach to the rigor of the standards, students will learn what they need to learn.
  • Train your brain to not take things personally. A student’s actions, a parent’s email, a colleague’s response…it is just an event. It doesn’t become positive or negative until you add your interpretation. Jon Gordon says E+P=O. Events are not positive or negative, but when we add our Perception, we determine the Outcome. Practice each day seeing events as just that…an event. The less negative perception you add, the less likely you are to perceive the event as a stressor.
  • Take care of yourself. If you don’t, the time that you spend sick just causes additional stress when you have to miss time with students. Eat well, sleep well, take care of you! It is time well spent.
  • A wise man who had a significant role in shaping my career always used to say Faith, Family, Job. I think if you are always filtering your “to-dos” this way, it helps to keep things in perspective. I do know that for most of us, this “job” is so much more. It is our purpose and mission in life, so it doesn’t really have a stopping or starting time. I think that is okay, as long as you continue to remember that a “purpose” isn’t about the “stuff” and the “tasks” it is about the people. Don’t let the little stuff consume you.  It will be there later.

I know this upcoming week will present some additional challenges.  As the adults see a light at the end of the tunnel that is results in a week of down time from the demands of school, many of our students see a dark tunnel leading to a world of unknown.  A week without certainty of structure, food, and expectations.  As welcomed as the break is to so many of us, it is frightening to many students.  Their fears often bring out some of the most unlovable behavior.  Again, we have to remember why students act as they do and that it often has nothing to do with us.  This time of year is the perfect time to be thankful for all our blessings, but it also requires a great deal of grit, grace, and growth mindset to effectively manage stress, support students who do not welcome breaks and make it through the five days before Thanksgiving Break. And then, before we know it, it will be Christmas…

Ground Zero

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“The point closest to where an explosion occurs” is the definition of ground zero.  It might not be what one would consider a way to define a school, but in today’s world where there is a newly coined phrase of “Complex Prolonged Traumatic Stress Disorder” (CPTSD) for our students, it appears to be an accurate analogy.

Recently, I heard an amazing keynote by Dr. Jeff Duncan-Adrade.  He shared with us about this concept that children today are often growing up in situations where they are experiencing prolonged traumatic stress.  While a reasonable amount of stress is normal and healthy, prolonged stress becomes toxic and damaging to the body of an adult, much less the developing body and brain of a child.  He referred to studies that show that children with prolonged stress, especially those from poverty, often experience symptoms similar to that of soldiers returning from combat.

While the thought of this comparison was completely overwhelming, I also experienced a bit of relief in terminology to explain phenomena that I deal with almost daily.  It is as if I am battling unknown demons in some of my students. I use every weapon I have in hopes of freeing them from invisible oppressors that consume their thoughts and actions to liberate their minds to create room to learn. Having family in the military and serving as first responders, this is not a statement that I take lightly.  However when you look, many children these days, coupled with their underdeveloped coping mechanisms, it is easier to understand why schools are facing more and more students with trauma-induced symptoms.

In a recent battle, I received a call from a substitute in the building.  She was concerned that a student was being defiant and disrupting the learning of others.  I was surprised to find it was a student who had struggled in the previous year, but settled down into learning and had put forth some fantastic effort this year.

As I entered the classroom, all of the students were seated and working except the one.  He was walking around the classroom bouncing a ball.  When I entered, I motioned for him to come to me and held out my hand for the ball.  Luckily, he handed the ball to me and came voluntarily.  During the next 45 minutes,  he sat and rocked in my office.  I could see in his eyes that he had withdrawn deep into the depths of his mind.

I knew that to get him back, I had to get him using words.  After some time to rock in silence, I began asking some questions. Initially, our conversation involved me asking questions and him staring past me.  Gradually this evolved into nodding, then repeating sentences when given two choices.  Eventually, we collaborated to find a solution that allowed him to do some of his learning in another classroom.  I was so proud of him being willing to accept doing some work in another class even though he knew the work would be more difficult and require more effort on his part.

I was so relieved that we had found a solution and that learning for everyone could resume.  Unfortunately, later that day, this same student was escorted to the office. Someone had contacted a different administrator and reported that “he wasn’t where he was supposed to be.”  It had been such a busy day, I hadn’t had a chance to let my assistant principal know the situation, and now the student had been given a consequence for doing what he and I had arranged.

This incident is where the physical conflict began. Kicking.  Hitting. Trying to leave the building.  All communication lost once again.  The student felt betrayed, and he was no longer going to listen to anyone much less speak with them. As I sat with this student, I couldn’t help but reflect on the words of the keynote from the week before.  Kids in crisis expect you to give up on them.  They expect you to disappoint them.  That is what they have known.  I did the only thing I could think of at this point.  I apologized.

Now this student looked at me like I was crazy as I explained to him why I was sorry and how miscommunication had resulted in him getting in trouble even though he was doing what he had agreed to do. I asked him to forgive me, and he looked at me with an even more perplexed expression.  I explained that when someone does wrong and hurts someone, even if they didn’t mean to, the person who did the wrong must apologize.  But the next step is the person who was hurt to forgive them.  I asked again if he would forgive me and he responded “yes.”  My student was back.

I think the reason this story is critical is because we have to acknowledge what schools face. Stories like these are more and more common with children today. I wouldn’t take back the time spent on this incident because I believe valuable lessons were learned by all.  Students who witnessed our interactions saw adults show compassion to a child in crisis.  The child in crisis felt the unconditional support of adults who were not going to give up on him no matter what.  He saw me, the principal, take accountability for my own actions and seek to make the situation right. De-escalation was achieved without casualties.

As a result of this incident, I thought even more about why schools and communities may be facing increased numbers of these incidents. Children in crisis are occurring in all types of schools, public and private, highly affluent and high poverty, inner-city, suburban and rural. Personally, I think it has a great deal to do with the fact that even though our country has been considered a “great melting pot” of diversity, it has historically been composed of homogenous communities.  As groups came to this country, they settled with their families and people who shared the same backgrounds, values, and cultures. Children raised with the support of extended families were well grounded in community expectations.  Children attended schools where the other kids were likely raised very similarly to themselves and taught by teachers with by teachers with ideas much like their parents.

As we entered the digital age, everything changed. Families spread out across the country connected only by technology. Neighborhoods became more like “tossed salad” with people from different cultures maintaining their original values rather than “melting” together. Families raising children in isolation put high demands on parents.  Children today live in a Rated R world, exposed to adult language, violence, and adult situations, not just on television and video games, but in the face-to-face interactions in the world. In addition to stresses of today’s world with poverty, work demands, increases of traumatic illnesses, our children no longer have a “world of innocence” and are faced with incredible stress at a very young age that is carried into schools with them every day.

While schools may be “ground zero” for some of the social explosions going on in the world around us, I would propose that schools have the potential to become a community’s “Epicenter of Hope.”  Public education is an excellent source to bring a diverse community together. Rather than watering down individual cultures, they can promote value for each others’ differences.  We can teach our children how to appreciate each other and treat each one another with respect. Schools can provide support to families who need someone to stand in partnership with them in raising their children in the absence of extended family.  We can connect families in crisis with resources and model support rather than judgment.

At the same time, we also have to acknowledge that creating a culture of support takes time.  Rather than launching additional attacks against teachers, our legislators, media, and the general public need to provide backup to educators on the front line. Providing quality learning in the midst of some of the mental battles our students face can tick valuable instructional minutes off the clock while we ensure we meet students’ most basic needs to prepare them for learning. Satisfying these needs is something that we must do if we want to prevent further deterioration of our society.  Unfortunately, success in filling these voids is not measured on state or federal accountability systems, even though it must occur before the things that are measured can take place. Teachers need more tools and training to fight the enemies our children face. The battle for our children’s future is real and it will take everyone together to achieve victory.

Below are some good resources for Educators:

How to Help a Traumatized Child in the Classroom

Child Trauma Toolkit for Educators